Dragon's Teeth
by jerseydanielgibson
Summary: Inspired by Arsinoe de Blassenville's Dragonsteeth (RIP, FU cancer). A bunch of semi-silly/semi-serious one-shots. Some are funny, while others are sad or story-inspiring. Little memes, tropes, and fanart. Probably won't be a 'constant' story, just ideas that come to me from time-to-time. Featuring all four games, priors and in-betweens as well.
1. Dance Off, Brah!

_EA/BioWare owns this. Stolen idea from Marvel Universe and_ _.Com_ _._

Warning! Not To Be Taken Seriously!

 **One-Shot #1: Dance-Off, Brah!**

 **Set in Mass Effect, Battle Of The Citadel, 2183**

"The time has come for you to rejoice and renounce your paltry Gods!" Former Council Agent Saren Arcturus shouted as the gathering crew of the SSV _Normandy_ stood poised to stop the rogue SPECTRE as they stood in the middle of the Council Chamber, the Turian mere meters from his objective. For months, this _monkey_ had been chasing _him! HIM!_ Like he were some common criminal! He stared hard at the male Human, armored in that ridiculous N7 Armor as if it would protect him, standing side-by-side with outcasts and pariahs. There was that snotty Human female who was oppressed because she was kin to that poor excuse of a General, Maxwell Williams. There was that piss-poor Turian Detective, who couldn't even investigate his way out of a wet paper bag. There was the old broken Krogan battle master, more corpse than warrior. There was Benezia's daughter, a weak, timid thing. There was some Quarian Pilgrim, the one who had gotten his SPECTRE status revoked. He would break them all, and he would smile when he did so.

"Bah! Look at him now, your so-called 'Human SPECTRE!'" The Turian Biotic waved in the general direction of Commander John Shepard, the monkey still standing there. "Your salvation is at hand!" Saren moved his hand towards the console set at the Council Chambers that would activate the Dark Relay, bringing their Cycle into renewal. Just the press of a button, and his will would be…

"OOOooohhh…"

Wai… what?

"Child, things are going to get eeesaiiieeerrr!"

Saren turned, and _Spirits_ what was he looking at?

There was Commander John Shepard, standing defiant in front of him meters away, wiggling his body and… _singing?_

"OOOooohhh… things are going to get bbbrighttteeerrr!"

Saren stopped what he was doing, unable to believe his eyes. The monkey was wiggling his body slightly, mostly in the hips and hands in some sort of… _dancing_ fashion?

"Listen to these words now." The monkey was pointing at him with his finger, picking him out.

Saren's hand lowered from the console as he found himself unable to look away from this… torture.

"OOOooohhh… child, things are going to get eeesaiiieeerrr!  
OOOooohhh… things are going to get bbbrighttteeerrr!"

" _Break it down hard now!"_

The wiggling turned into some weird running-in-place motion. Saren just stared, stupefied.

"SSSSOOOOMMMMEEEEDDDDAAAAYYYY!  
We'll get it together and get it all done!"

"W-what are you… _doing_?" Saren asked, mystified, the former Council SPECTRE looking at the monkey, unable to believe what he was doing as he watched the Human begin wiggling his hips in a humping fashion.

"Dance off, brah! Me and you!" The monkey pointed and _winked_ at him with a smile. He then kicked out his leg and did something with one of his arms that was in between swatting a fly and placing a bet.

 _Spirits, what the_ vrack _was he_ looking _at?_

"Liara" The Human's arm went out to the Asari Scientist, as if reaching out to her. The Doctor, holding herself and looking at the Human wide-eyed, just shook her head 'no' rapidly, equally utterly confused.

"Subtle. Take it back!"

Then the monkey started _dancing. AGAIN._

"WHAT… ARE YOU… DOING!" Saren demanded, having enough of this foolish _s'kak_. He was going to enjoy ripping the baboon's spine from out of his back.

"It's called a distraction, ya big turd-blossom!" The monkey smiled, splaying out his hands and fingers and wiggling them as if he had just won a prize.

 _Click-click_.

Saren realized that he made the most cardinal, most _rookie_ mistake a warrior could make.

He forgot about the others.

The Turian turned to see four beings holding shotguns at his back, just enough time to recognize the Krogan, Human, Turian, and Quarian all armed with Armageddon-series Shotguns, pointing at him at less than a distance of two meters away. Three of them smiled at him malevolently, and the Quarian's helmeted eyes just twitched psychotically.

" _Vrack."_

 **B-B-B-BAM! BAMBAMBAM! BAM! B-BAM! BAM!**

…Then…

 **BAM!**

"Just making sure." The Human female replied as she pulled the barrel of her shotgun from Saren's skull, a new hole decorating his fringe. The Krogan just laughed.

* * *

Author's Note: At least I didn't _talk_ him to death.

And thanks to Lukael for this idea, a several-panelled drawing in which Commander Shepard plays Starlord, Liara is Gamorra, and Saren as Ronan. You can check it out on his Tumbler account at .


	2. Just One Minute

_EA/BioWare owns this. Stolen idea from some DeviantArt pic that I can't remember the artist :(_

Grab A Hankie! This one's going to hurt.

 **One-Shot #2: Just One Minute**

 **Set in Mass Effect, Andromeda Galaxy, 2819**

" _See you in a few centuries."_

" _Not if I see you first!"_

Lieutenant Cora Harper returned onto the AIV _Hyperion_ with a heavy heart and a sense of foreboding on all that had happened. Habitat 7, what they were going to call New Earth, had been a disaster. Anything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong. The planet had been half-scorched by some Dark Energy cloud they've come to call the Scourge, and its presence had completely fucked up the planet in ways that should have been physically impossible. Rocks floated in the air, ionization storms were rampant and without reason, and most of the life on the planet had been scorched or blasted into oblivion. There not only wasn't enough oxygen to support human life by half, but the very air was laced with argon and a lethal amount of carbon trioxide. A human wouldn't last a minute without…

…Without…

" _Bet I wake up first, Silver Medal!"_

" _Bet I'll be first on a planet, Minute Rice!"_

The echoes of voices centuries gone still came to Cora as she went to the Cryo Bay of the _Hyperion_. She had looked for her everywhere; the Habitation Wing, her father's quarters, even SAM Node. Harper snorted as she should have realized that _he_ was the first place she should have gone to check, the last thing she had left. The thought… Cora felt a sharp knife in her heart at the thought, at all that had happened.

One minute, that was all that was needed.

" _Didja know I was first? By a whole minute!"_

Cora had to stop, bracing herself against the bulkhead as she heard the voices again, so exuberant, so full of _life!_ Twenty-two they were, sibling rivalry at its finest; always daring, always pushing, always together. They'd one-up each other so much that keeping score was pointless; it was how they showed their love and affection for one another. Twins who joined at the wake of their mothers' death, coming to Andromeda to start again, for the chance to be like their father, to work with…

…No, no more…

" _No more guarding relays for you!"_

" _No more robbing graves for you!"_

Goddess, they were _kids_ , and that was part of their charm, wasn't it, Cora realized, thinking of those excited voices, seeing those excited eyes. Alec had been as proud a parent as a father could be, having his children with him, to have them working along side him. So much time had been lost between him being an N7 in the Systems Alliance Navy, and then battling Ellen's wasting sickness. It was a chance for them to be a family again, the way it should have been.

Just one Goddamn minute.

" _Yeah, yeah! So you were first, by a_ whole _minute, Minute Rice!"_

That minute may have cost them one of their lives.

Lieutenant Cora Harper steeled herself as she walked into the Cryo Bay, seeing the Acclimation Clinic manned by medics and Doctors, only a few people coming out of the long slumber. But there was one patient that wasn't waking up, that wasn't coming out of Cryo. And there was one person tending to him that wasn't a nurse or a Doctor.

" _Didya know I was first? By a whole minute!"_

Just one _fucking_ minute.

Who would have thought one minute would have made all the difference?

Sara Ryder sat by her brother's bed, her right hand holding his own. On her lap was something black… no, something black and _red_. It was her father's jacket, his N7 leather jacket, styled and monogrammed like so many N's did with their personal effects. Cora couldn't remember ever seeing Alec without that jacket on, it was almost a part of him. Now it was folded on Sara's lap, and the female Ryder's head was downcast, her face… blank.

" _So you were first, by a_ whole _minute."_

A minute… was everything.

Scott had still been in his Cryo Pod when the _Hyperion_ hit the Scourge, right during the initialization process from suspended animation to normality. One minute, either way, and Scott Ryder would be awake and moving.

One fucking minute.

That wasn't even the worst of it.

" _Gasp!… Dad! Cough, cough …N-no!"_

Just a fucking minute.

Cora had ran down that cliff, flash-stepping and biotically charging through the terrain to reach the Ryders when the Atmospheric Processing Station had blasted them off a cliff, sending them careening down its steep surface. Cora could hear Sara's panicked scream as they had both been blown off, cut off with a hearty _oof!_ and the distinct sound of glass breaking.

And then she began to choke. They could all hear it on the radio.

Alec had been closest, no doubt rushing to his dying daughter as Cora leapt and charged her way down, doing her damnedest to reach the dying young woman. She knew that if Sara died, Alec would be devastated. He must have landed close to her in order to reach her in the poisonous environment, the younger Ryder having inadvertently taken a breath from her painful landing with a broken faceplate. If she had been able to hold her breath for a minute…

…Just one fucking minute…

" _SAM? Initiate Succession Protocol…"_

Cora felt like she had been going light-speed, she had been dashing down that damn cliff so fast.

" _Gasp!… Dad! Cough, cough …N-no!"_

She had reached them a minute later. A minute too late.

They could have traded helmets, but Sara was unconscious, the poisonous atmosphere having burned her lungs, the carbon trioxide, argon, and lack of oxygen sending her into minor apoxia. Her vitals were crashing when Cora reached the Ryders, coughing blood and going into tachycardia right in front of her. Harper had known without looking that it was a minute too late for Alec; he had traded with his daughter. Cora had stabilized Sara by injecting her with MediGel and epinephrine, calling upon the shuttle for extraction, which had showed up a minute later.

If it had been a minute after that, they would have lost Sara, too.

Just… one… minute…

 _Goddess, you can be ever fucking cruel._

"Sara?" Cora asked tentatively, approaching the twenty-two year old woman, their new Pathfinder. She looked so young, so lost, so _hurt_. How was this young, timid woman who expressed so much joy at the thought of just finding a hint of an ancient alien civilization suppose to lead them when there was an active one trying to kill them? When they had no home, no hope?

They were running out of time.

"Just… give me a minute." Sara replied, her voice dead as her eyes went to her twin, her last remaining family. Cora had to blink away the tears, but she couldn't suppress the pain she saw in Sara's face. Holding her brother's too-still hand. Holding her father's beloved jacket. A woman alone.

"Take as much time as you need, Sara." Cora replied with a smile, determined to stand with her, even if everything had somehow gone wrong. Now wasn't the time to question Alec's decision, or how things could have gone so poorly. It wasn't Sara's fault, but now it was her burden.

" _Yeah, yeah! So you were first, by a_ whole _minute, Minute Rice!"_

And Cora would _never_ downplay the value of a minute again. Not even just one minute.

* * *

Author's Note: I looked and looked for the fan art that I somehow found but didn't get the author's name for. It's an absolute gem that made me feel. The first panel is Scott scooting into his Cryo Pod, claiming 'See you in a few centuries!' while Sara in the next panel says 'Not if I see you first!'. The last panel is Scott (off-panel) with Sara on a chair by his bed, holding his hand with one of hers, with a folded piece of clothes on her lap, black and red in color. The look on her face is pure misery; the one who lost everything. The minute idea came from Sara's claim (older by a minute!) and when I replayed the game… the cryo pod would have been fine… in a minute in either direction. Same with Alec, just a minute later. And the shuttle? A minute later, and Sara/Scott would have been dead. Just one minute.

Just one fucking minute.


	3. Guess Who Came To Dinner?

_EA/BioWare owns this. What I really wanted out of Mass Effect 2 with this mission!_

Sorry, Jack! (Punt!)

 **One-Shot #3: Guess Who Came To Dinner?**

 **Set in Mass Effect 2: BSS** ** _Purgatory_** **, 2185**

" _Sorry, Commander! You're worth too much to just let go."_ The flanged voice of Warden Kuril of the Blue Suns Station/Prison Vessel _Purgatory_ came with the alarms, and Commander Jane Shepard felt a very intense need to throttle the fucking Turian. She set her Elanus Risk Control Services M-15 Vindicator to her shoulder, checking the thermal clip for proper seating (it was), and snapped the cover back and looked to her squad mates, Detective-turned-vigilante Garrus Vakarian, and Operative Jacob Taylor. What _should_ have been a simple, routine pick-up had just turned into a very bad case of prison break out of a triple-max slam in the middle of space. Surrounded by armed guards that wanted to kill them, not to mention prisoners that wanted to kill them. Thank God she hadn't brought Miranda to this shit; the Cerberus flunky pouted at being left behind, but one look at the curvaceous woman in a skin-tight catsuit on a prison ship would have most definitely incited riots. She didn't need her XO bent over a rail and fucked from behind like a Prom slut. Garrus was a large and scarred Turian, and Jacob was a thick and muscular human. Perfect for a prison.

Especially when that prison tries to sell her/kill them.

"Does this kind of thing happen often?" Taylor asked Vakarian as Shepard moved through the corridors of _Purgatory_ , threshing through Blue Suns Guards like they were so much wheat. They were pathetic, really.

"Not often enough, in my opinion." The Turian supplied as he put a three-shot burst into a Batarian's skull from his Vindicator, _hmm'ing_ in satisfaction with a head shot. "Thirteen, Red."

 _BBBam!_ Down went a Turian. "Fifteen, Blue. Getting slow, old man." Shepard return, the old game just like old times; keeping count, counting kills. The Turian was good enough to be competition. It had only been him and Wrex back on the _Normandy_ , Ash and Kai being only decent, and Li and Tali just kids. The 'new' _Normandy?_ If it hadn't been for Garrus, Shepard would have really doubted the Illusive Dick's claim of 'the best of the best'. So far, she wasn't impressed at all. "This fucking prisoner better be worth it. Then again, gunning down mercs never gets old."

"True." Taylor replied, a former Corsair himself. While he didn't hold a candle to Garrus or Shepard, he at least knew it, and worked in his own fashion well. He was competent, no finesse, but no serious disadvantages, either. "According to the Dossier, whoever this 'Jack' is, is supposedly some sort of unparalleled killer."

"A lovely addition, no doubt." Garrus _hmm'ed_ again as another Batarian got his head cleaned out. "This is the Cryo Wing. Why put Jack on ice? Too dangerous?"

"Who gives a fuck?" Shepard replied as they worked their way into the control room, seeing a human technician scamper off at the sight of them. Well, at least he had brains, if not courage. Jane smiled as she saw that the Blue Suns had gotten greedy too late; they had already prepped the Pod to be deactivated when Kuril betrayed them. Sucked to be them. She briefly wondered who this prisoner was, and just how eager Jack would be to get off this prison ship.

"Commander, the system is tied in lockdown." Jacob warned her, frowning. "Releasing Jack will release _all_ the prisoners."

"House party." Shepard smirked to Garrus, whose mandibles merely twitched with amusement. "Get ready to grab this Jack and run for the Docks. Going hot." Shepard smashed the button.

The Cryo Pod in question opened slowly as supercooled air billowed from its confines and something bald and shirtless fell from its confines and onto the floor in front of it, a pair of hands catching itself on the floor as it stooped down from the fall, quickly regaining its balance. The bald head came back, and Jane's eyes went wide as she recognized the face, a face she hadn't seen since… that planet, when she was twelve, when they had crashed. _It can't be!_ The power, the fury, those shining eyes that looked like nightstones, glimmering in the dark; the only thing anyone ever saw in the shadows only _he_ could see in.

"Oh God…" Commander Jane Shepard looked to the convict they had come to pick up, and felt her world go silent.

"… It's _Riddick."_

Author's Note: C'mon, now that I teased you with it, who wants to see _that_ crossover?

Because that's exactly who I thought I'd be rescuing off of Purgatory (well, something similar. Not Jack)

And I referenced _Pitch Black_ and Jane having been there. There's a FF ME/PB crossover oriented towards that, though Jane isn't 'Jack' in that story, but herself.


	4. We Can Be Heroes

_EA/BioWare owns this. Stolen idea from Shakarianhell . Tumbler . com with this cute idea!_

We can be hhhheeeeerrrrrooooooeeesss… if just for one day!

 **One-Shot #4: We Can Be Heroes**

 **Set in 2176, Post-Assault of Elysium**

* * *

"Scott! Quick! It's on!"

Scott Alan Ryder rushed over to the living room where his twin sister, Sara Elaine Ryder, sat on the couch in the living room, the Magnavox 10K UHD Holovision was on the Alliance News Network channel, streaming live from the ExtraNet as both thirteen year olds clamored onto the couch, completely ignoring everything else as they glued their eyes to the HV monitor as the news brought up the 'special report'.

"Geez, Scott! You're a minute late to _everything!_ " Sara jibbed him, reminding Scott that she was born first.

"You're always the first to jump in and mess it up!" Scott returned, the rivalry beginning again.

"Kids." Alec Clancy Ryder looked over his bifocals from his easy chair as he looked to his twin children. "Watch, please. _In silence_."

A choir of _yes, Dad_ came from their mouths as they returned to the monitor, their attention completely undivided. It was on, and they weren't going to miss it for the world.

There she stood in her Alliance Dress Blues on stage, standing in perfect attention, the cameras catching her from multiple angles, this young woman, recent graduate from the Military Academy, and newest star in humanity.

Ensign Jane Shepard.

 _"Today,"_ began the President of the Systems Alliance, President Martha Rickover, spoke from a podium, Ensign Shepard standing at attention by her side as a marquee scrolled underneath, giving off subtitles, _"today marks a day of loss and of hope. One month ago, a villainous assault on one of our colonies held fear in our hearts and cold fury in our souls as pirates and slavers assaulted Illyeria, Elysium. Their intent was to seek and destroy, to take what they wanted. They came with greed in their hearts and lust in their souls as they blackened our skies with their villainy. And they would have succeed… save for one woman."_

"Cool." Both twins choired.

 _"Ensign Jane Shepard was on leave, having graduated from London barely two weeks before, visiting her family in Illyeria when tragedy and war struck. Ships swooped through the skies as Planetary Defense Alarms rang out. Villains of every kind came with dark intent, and during our darkest day, came one woman to make it our finest hour. Heedless of her own safety, Ensign Shepard manned an anti-aircraft platform and began defending the lives of the colonists of Ilyeria, buying time for evacuation and defense. She shot down seven shuttles this way before the gun malfunctioned, the heat sinks melted from her intent to protect. This did not stop her as she joined the Civil Police Forces of Illyeria, grabbing armor and weapons, and using what she had learned in the Academy to lead dozens of police officers in hit-and-run tactics throughout the streets of Illyeria, stalling advances and denying access to major intersections by parking contragravity vehicles and pulling power cores. For seven hours, anarchy was contained by those willing to follow a woman who would not give up or give in. In the end, the pirates retreated, having received so much damage and so many losses that they were forced to abandon their plan, unable to achieve their objective. Because of one woman, Illyeria was protected and defended not with just valor and courage, but with precision and skill. Because of one woman, we need not need to hear the cries of family members taken, reaved like Mindoir. Because of one woman, we have shown what one person can accomplish._

 _"Ensign Jane Catherine Shepard, I award to you the Star of Terra."_

Alec Clancy Ryder looked over to his twin children, seeing the glee on their faces, the sparkle in their eyes, their imaginations running while as the father smiled softly, knowing how little children understood war. One only needed to be a hero for a day to understand that for each one brought forth was done over the bodies of thousands. No, they didn't need to know that.

He prayed they never would.

* * *

Author's Note: Stole this idea from Shakarianhell . Tumbler . com. A two-panel pic where you see a 22 year old Shepard having the Star of Terra dropped around her neck, a marquee reading off the act, and twin 13 year olds Sara and Scott watching the news, faces alit with wonder.

The song I reference to in the beginning is David Bowie's original version of 'Heroes'.

Illyeria is the canon colonial capital of Elysium. The planet itself is supposedly multi-ethnic with a large population of non-humans, perhaps even half.

Alec's middle name, Clancy, is based off his Voice Actor, Clancy Brown.


	5. Wish You Were Here

_EA/BioWare owns this. Thank you, Roger Waters and David Gilmore (RIP)_

Of lost friends and one sad song. Hankie time, again.

 **One-Shot #5: Wish You Were Here**

 **Set in Mass Effect, Post-** ** _Normandy_** **Destruction, 2183**

* * *

 _"This is Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite spot in the Citadel."_

Urdnot Wrex grimaced at the VI propo of the human female standing in front of some electronics store, spouting out deals and sales like any other advert in the Citadel. Anywhere anyone walked, one could find one of those illegal VI's blathering some stupid tirade with the face of a dead woman and a voice that wasn't even her own. Not that Shepard had ever said anything remotely close to 'favorite', 'store', or 'Citadel'; she actually hated the place. Shepard was a born spacer; the bulkheads and decks were her grottos, the recycled atmo her scent, the stars and nebula her heavens. She was never happier than when she was aboard a ship, her boots clamping down on steel, the faint tinge of disinfectant in the air, the in-closed feel of confinement aboard a limited-space vessel braving the vacuum of space. It was home and heritage to the female, and unless she was in combat, she was always looking forward to going back, like a child searching for comfort. It wasn't a weakness; it was a strength, to know where one stood and where one belonged.

But then some hack-happy motherfucker had to ruin it all for them.

 _"This is Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite store in the Citadel."_

Wrex did the polite thing and smashed his foot into the light-form holographic display unit, killing the VI. The store employee, some Salarian, seemed ready to say something, but thought twice when staring into his blood-red eyes. Wrex smiled and moved on.

Broken, broken old man.

He moved through the Lower Wards, ignoring the holographic signs and adverts and props, ignoring the monitors and marquees playing the news. He didn't give a shit about the social media hype or the 'new new' thing that was taking idiots by storm. He could care less. At over eight hundred years old, he had practically seen it all. Life had gotten bland and flavorless, and even the ryncol didn't move him like it use to. Combat use to thrill him, but centuries of killing fools had left that a tasteless affair as well. How many fools rushed to their deaths, only to be replaced by more? No, life had gotten pale, remorseful. The pain wasn't the same, the hate was just filled with bitter regret. What more could he do that he hadn't done a thousand times before?

Then he had met her.

It said something, that this pint-sized female half his height and a tenth his weight could command him, that with a look in her eyes, he felt it; that life, that promise, that hope of zeal and success. Shepard had been a friend when he had lost so many, a female of intellect and skill, a Krogan in a Human's body. She had found fights that stirred his blood and made his soul sing. She had gone places no others dared. She had flown a fucking APC through a Relay with a smile on her face and a quip, as if there was nothing to worry about. Her bad driving skills were legendary, her dance moves atrocious, and she literally talked a Turian to death, and the thought of watching Saren blowing his own brains out had certainly been amusing. Then he had come back and that battle had been _glorious!_ He had fought Rachni and weird goo monsters! He had crushed Geth under his feet and smashed a gigantic Geth Tank with his family hammer! He had gotten his grandfather's armor back (junk, but still…). But what mattered?

Hope. For a few brief weeks, he felt it.

It hurt, that pain, that crushing grip on his heart where he _believed_ in something once again. Wrex had almost died from the pain and it was _beautiful_ , that he could believe again, look forward. Eight hundred years, and he was excited to see the very next day. Shepard had given that to him, that precious gift, that maddening itch in his hump. Whenever she did her rounds, going through the _Normandy_ to talk to practically everyone (quaint, but that's what _krannt_ did), he looked forward to their discussions. About the Krogan, about the Humans, about combat, about drinking and who had the bigger female body count. Little Tali had such a crush on her, too nervous to admit to it, and it just made Wrex laugh. It had been so long since he laughed…

There was another VI. Wrex was polite again. The Turian proprietor growled at him, and Wrex double-flicked his fingers at the Spike, the Turian hand gesture for 'fuck you'.

Broken, broken old man.

He found himself in another electronics store, and this one he did recognized; Tali had wanted to go shopping, but had been afraid that she would be arrested for Existing-While-Quarian. Wrex had played Shylock, and it had been amusing to see the little bundle of energy teenager fretting over getting Shepard a gift for some silly Human holiday. Wrex actually picked it out, knowing the Commander's love for music. It had been a pair of noise-cancelling headphones that supposedly were the best audio signal ratio available, called Beats by Dre (whoever the fuck that was). A Human invention that had taken everyone else by storm, he found himself looking at a pair of Krogan Beats by Dre. He thought it over.

"I want those." He told the proprietor, an Asari Maiden who looked a little _too_ young for the mating couch. At least she wasn't trying to set the galactic record for length of time spent off the ground wrapped around a pole.

"They'll be C249.95." The Asari smiled in a fashion different than others; it wasn't forced. She had a sweet voice and cute dimples. She looked too much like Li. The last he had seen of the Protheantologist, she had been wearing black mourning colors. A promise cut short.

"Forget the box. I'll just chuck it somewhere." Wrex replied as he keyed up his Omnitool and accepted the transaction. The Asari complied easily enough, disposing of the black and red box (it looked to much like N7 colors, anyhow) as he took the headphones and stalked off. He was polite one more time to another fucking VI monstrosity.

Wrex went to _his_ favorite spot in the Citadel.

It wasn't a bar, a shooting range, or where he could scare Salarian children. No, it was the 'legal' preaching zone in which the Hanar were allowed to spout idiocy about the Enkindlers. Everyone else avoided it like the plague, and whenever he wanted peace and quiet, he'd tip the nearest one for the luxury. Which is exactly what he did. He found a bench that was connected to a planters' box that had some Asari fronds growing out of it as he put the Beats on, the headphones made for a Krogan head as he wirelessly connected them to his Omnitool. He found the file he was looking for on his 'Tool, labeled 'Shepard's Mix' and he played the first song. He closed his eyes, the noise-cancelling headphones doing their job as he took a deep breath and listed to the music.

The song started slow and somber, an ancient song that was played with an ancient six-stringed Earth musical instrument, slowly strumming in a soft tone for several measures, melodic and simple. Then came another instrument, plucking simple notes over the strumming, louder, but just as mournful. It was as if it was telling a story directly to his soul, the pain and agony life had become, singing directly to him.

And the words came…

 _So…  
_ _So you think you can tell…  
_ _Heaven from hell…  
_ _Blue skies from pain…  
_ _Can you tell a green field…  
_ _From a cold steel rain…  
_ _A smile from a veil…  
_ _Do you think you can tell?_

 _Did they get you to trade…  
_ _Your heroes for ghosts…  
_ _Warm ashes for trees…  
_ _Hot air for a cool breeze…  
_ _Cold comfort for change…  
_ _You did you exchange…  
_ _A walk-in part in the war…  
_ _For the lead role in a cage?_

 _How I wish,  
_ _How I wish you were here.  
_ _We're just two lost souls  
_ _Living in a fish bowl,  
year after year.  
_ _Running over the same out ground  
_ _Have we found the same old fears?  
_ _Wish you were here._

The song ended, and Wrex let himself breath once more, the song ending as softly as it had begun, the pain fading with the final notes. Ready for what he wanted to do, what he needed to do, he checked his in-box for her final message, as yet unplayed. She had sent it to him a day before the _Normandy_ left, and he hadn't listened to it because he was too drunk and too full of himself. When the news had come…

Wrex played the audio file, marked _For After;_

 _"Wrex,_

 _Knew this day would come. We'd kick Saren's ass, and we'd go our separate ways. Council's just flinging stupidity and acting like everything's right in the galaxy now that their asses aren't set on fire. Go figure, right? But I knew this day would come, the day you guys would ship back out to your own lives. I'm not sorry at all; I had the best of times with the best of crews. Couldn't have asked for more. All of you deserve the praise just as much as I, because I couldn't have done it without you._

 _We talked about hope back in the cargo bay, and I remember seeing you for who you were; not the big badass Krogan merc, scarred survivor, but the man underneath that plate and mantle of yours. It's funny… your name means 'King' in Latin. And you are, you know? Looked it up. That statue in the Presidium is your great-grandfather, Overlord of Tuchanka. His son was Councilor. Your father' inherited that throne. You went for it, too. I know it didn't end well, but you're positively_ wasted _on stupid merc work, Wrex. You're a King, a King to your people. And I saw hope return into your eyes, I saw life have meaning once more. You're not some space rock drifting aimlessly; you're a comet, beautiful and the wrath of the Gods. Don't be anything less._

 _Go home, Wrex. Be a King. You have the gift of hope within you, the most destructive weapon in the galaxy. Share it with those who have lost it, like I shared it with you. Make them believe once more._

 _I believe in you."_

Wrex did something that he never thought he'd do again, something he hadn't done since before his Rite of Passage seven hundred years before.

Wrex wept.

* * *

Author's Note: :'(

Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd, 1975. Of all the Pink Floyd songs (and there are so many great ones to chose from) this one is my favorite. Like Wrex said, you can hear the pain.

I've seen many a story of Garrus, Kai, Li, and Ash dealing with the news of Shepard's death, but I don't think I've really seen one for Wrex. Out of everyone, he was the only one IMHO who really carried on the mantle for Shepard after his/her death, truly making a difference; trying to reunite the Krogan. What would have driven him there, to the one place he said he would never go back to, to do the one thing he would never do again? This was my interpretation.

Beats by Dre. - Yes, they exist in 2183. They come in Krogan size, too.

Most of these drabbles aren't making 'my' Shepard, but just dropping enough that you can make your own if you choose, whatever s/he looks like. This one was a little different; FemShep is a Spacer, a lesbian, and dated Liara (the promise cut short). This is based off of a Shepard that I've never used; the Engineer Rachel Shepard, the unlikeliest of heroes. I had her in a story I never used in which she was selected as SPECTRE because she was 'the cute one' and was a giant publicity/PR stunt. And that does happen IRL.


	6. Open-Door Policy

_EA/BioWare owns this. Honestly, I should have seen this coming._

Spilling the beans has never been so awkward

 **One-Shot #6: Open-Door Policy**

 **Set in Mass Effect, Post-N7 and UNC Missions**

Author's Note: Since a Gunnery Chief is generally Artillery, but Ash is Marine Infantry, I'm sticking to US Marine ranks, not that… abomination that Mass Effect had.

* * *

Gunnery Sergeant Ashley Williams stood before the Commander's door, seeing it closed, and thought about fleeing for about the dozenth time. She had already pseudo-visited twice before when her courage failed her, and despite the thoughts of cowardice, she couldn't bring herself to knock on that door, open-door policy notwithstanding. After all she had seen in the past week doing missions against the human-centric terrorist organization Cerberus, she… she didn't know what to think anymore.

 _God, please grant me strength,_ Ashley prayed. _And a decent chance before she shoots me._

Ash knocked on the door, and it opened a minute later.

Commander Vanessa Shepard was working on her terminal, undoubted filling reports for Alliance Command and answering EN-Mail inquests as she looked over more a second to motion Ash to a seat while returning to her terminal, continuing to type on the Haptic Display Unit. Ash complied as she sat on the only other chair besides the N7's, doing her best to ignore the old scars that had waxed the skin on her right cheek and jaw, already threatening to finish the job and destroy her right eye. Her right ear was gone, just a half-covered hole, as well as a fair portion of her hair on the right side of her head. Everyone knew how it happened and what had caused it; Akuze. The Mark of the Dragonslayer, some called it. The Commander could have had cosmetic surgery or at least skin grafts to correct it, but never did. No asked why. No one dared.

"Ugh, budgets." The Commander made a rude noise as she finished whatever she was typing, making a disgusted face. "Know what they don't tell you about being in command, Gunny? That the bean counters and Credit-pinchers in Arcturus are worse than space lawyers. I literally have to account for _everything_. ' _Oh, why did you need to improve upon your squad's weaponry when we give you those absolutely basic rifles that didn't' do shit on Eden Prime, Commander?_ ' Argh!" Shepard shook her head and smiled, the act pulling at her destroyed flesh as she looked over to Ash, and her face fell. "What's wrong, Ash? Bashing Command is generally you're fav thing to do right next to bashing politicians."

"O-open Door Policy." Williams replied, her voice cracking slightly, her heart hammering in her chest. God, she couldn't look at that damaged face, knowing how. Knowing _why_. The 'Open-Door Policy' in the Systems Alliance Navy was suppose to be a way for someone to come clean about something they did wrong with no or lesser repercussions, a way for them to admit to something before anyone else found out. The words certainly had Vanessa shocked, doing a double-take.

"You were the one that switched out Garrus' colonial face paint for red nail polish?" That had been a prank last week, before going to Edolus. Ash had honestly forgotten that, and the Turian's raging response.

"Um, no." Actually, that had been Tali, the little Quarian hating Turians worse than Ash did. The nail polish had been Ash's, though, given to the Quarian fully knowing what was going to happen. She wouldn't say a word, not even to implicate an alien. "Something worse."

"1 to 10, how bad?" Shepard asked, her voice quiet, her full attention on the Gunnery Sergeant.

"10 for anyone else. For you… 15?" Ash replied, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Before or during the _Normandy_?"

"Before." That had the N7 nodding thoughtfully.

"I think I know what this might be about then." Vanessa surprised her by rummaging through the draw of her desk and pulled out a bottle of scotch and two plastic cups. She poured liberal amounts into the cups, and handed one to Ash. The Commander took a sip first, and Ash followed suit. "When you're ready, Gunny."

"Commander… I… I-I'm… Cerberus."

"I know." Those brown eyes looked at her sadly, betrayed. "When we found Toombs, you looked so… horrified. You looked like you were doing worse than I was. You volunteered for every anti-Cerberus mission, and you never said a word." The Commander took another sip. "You're usually full of quips and crass comments, but during those missions? Pale, never a word."

"It was when I was up for my Corporal." Ash began, looking at her scotch. "I was near the end of my 5-year enlistment, and I… I honestly thought I'd end up a Terminal Lance. Every time the list came up for possible promotions, mine was always rejected, no reasons given or questions asked." Ash took a sip, anything to calm her nerves. "A… a Lieutenant came to me, and asked me what was important to me, what I wanted. A-and I told him that I wanted to hold my head up high, to serve the Alliance and Humanity with pride. We talked for about fifteen minutes or so, and the questions… they were benign, good ones, but nothing suspecting. I just thought… someone was actually interested in what I might wanted. He… asked me what I was willing to do for Humanity, in the name of defense, of course. And he told me to think about it before I blurted the word ' _anything!_ '" Ash chuckled, still looking at her cup, unable to look Shepard in the eye. "I… think I told him something in between anything and everything, as long as it helped Humanity stand strong and tall, something poetic." The Gunnery Sergeant shook her head and grunted. "He… offered me a different post, somewhere where I could get a fresh start and start doing something more towards that, getting the recognition for my efforts that had been denied to me before because… because…"

"Because of your family." The N7 replied in a quiet voice.

"Yeah. Hook, line, sinker. God I was so fucking desperate and naive." She had to turn her head to wipe the tear away discretely that was rolling down her cheek. "Never once did that _name_ come up. I didn't even know until a few years later when I got my E-5! I was fast-tracking, doing training programs and regimens with troops on a variety of worlds, training up militias and grunts to be the hardasses they deserved to be. And I loved every minute of it! I was getting to do what I wanted, was getting the recognition I wanted, and I felt… proud, happy, _convinced_."

"Psychological profiling." Vanessa nodded, looking thoughtful. "They knew your answer before you did. All they needed was your signature on the dotted line."

"I didn't know until… '79, I think." The Gunny continued. "I got this EN-Mail that was a request from a Command I didn't recognize, something super secret squirrel or whatnot. Asked me to destroy a gun, that was it. Just some Sub Gun." Ash frowned. "Told me it had been used to shoot a Turian that was smuggling tainted Eezo into one of our processing facilities to damage our ships and our people, so the necessary action had to be taken. Problem was that the Turian was a low-level diplomat, so there would be flak if it was discovered we had killed them. Of course I was right on board; I mean, sounded completely legit! Some Turians' trying to hurt us, we pop him, and then make it look good. Didn't even peg my radar." Ash snorted. "Three days later, news came down that the Pope had been killed by a Sub Gun, some M-12 Tempest Model. The same model gun I was asked to destroy and followed through. I… I'm Catholic, and did I just destroy the evidence that someone _murdered_ the Holy See? I…" Ash wiped another tear, not even hiding it. "I started connecting the dots then, saw what was happening. It was… elegant, really. Never suspected, but all those training missions and ventures? None of them were Alliance troops, but militias. Seemed so right and proper…"

"Cerberus troops getting Alliance training without anyone realizing it." Shepard pointed out.

"Yeah! I thought I was training okies and crop pies to kick some slaver scum ass, but…" Williams took another sip of the scotch. "God I'm such a fucking idiot. At first, I… didn't really mind. Sword and shield of humanity and all, and I thought, 'well, most of it is probably hype and propaganda to protect the Alliance and make the aliens back off. No problems there!'. But then the Presidents were killed, and Cerberus was starting to bomb night clubs full of Asari and whatevers, and then there was those two shuttles that blew up over Mexico City and New Beijing, and I really started connecting the dots.

"I had been training terrorists and insurgents."

"Shit." The N7 sat up, frowning. "Yeah, I can see that."

"Worst part was? I turned myself in like an idiot!" Williams smiled, but there was no warmth in it. "Went to ONI. Talked to three Agents, right? I'm in this interrogation room for like two hours confessing heart and soul on all that happened. I… was doing what I thought was right. Knew I'd probably get Dishonorably Discharged and do some time, but I was going to hold my head up high and take it." Ash snorted. "They were Cerberus Agents. It was like walking into that scene in _Fight Club_ where the cops were in on it. Signed my own fucking execution."

"What did they do?"

"Well, they definitely had me on accessory to murder, destruction of evidence, and aiding and abetting a terrorist organization, and that was what Cerberus was going to pin on me!" The Gunny replied. "They tacked a few other things on that I had no involvement with, probably to cover for others. Gave me a choice; sing and destroy myself, or stay quiet and finish the rest of my existence in some shithole existence. I… lost. I knew it and I knew that I was _powerless_. They were better than me, and me trying to take a swing wouldn't achieve anything except labeling _me_ the bad guy while they got off scot free." Williams polished off her scotch, hard and fast. "That's how I ended up on Eden Prime."

Commander Vanessa Shepard stared at her for a long moment, looking at her with flinty brown eyes, her acid-damaged face studying her long and hard. Ash hated the scrutiny, but she took it. She genuinely _like_ Vanessa, and serving with Humanity's First SPECTRE was amazing! It wasn't that it was nice for her career, or that she was on a space-side post. No, Vanessa Shepard was someone of worth, and that made it count. She'd follow the N7 into hell.

"I want to thank you for your candor and honesty, Ash." The Commander said as she set down her own scotch. "It takes guts to admit such a thing especially considering what we've recently uncovered with the organization." Ash nodded, remembering the nervousness she felt. "I am glad you came to me with this as oppose to someone else first. I would give you the benefit of the doubt as oppose to a stranger, and I would listen accordingly. In that, you chose wisely."

"T-thank you, Skipper. I… kinda been dreading this, but I wanted to do right." Ash replied, feeling a little bit better. Shepard smiled as she touched a button on her terminal.

"And that confession will do nicely."

 _W-what?_

"Of course the organization is everywhere, Associate Williams." Shepard smiled, never touching her eyes as a slow horror crawled into Williams' gut. "Did you think you were the only one approached? I was when I was just a teen back on Earth. I went from jacking air cars to a Systems Alliance Officer in less than two years thanks to some forged documents and a high-speed training course to get me educated. This?" She pointed to the acid damage on the right side of her face. "That's my commitment and resolve, just a little acid to prove to the galaxy that I was the Dragonslayer; something the galaxy would stand up and take notice." The smile was still there, it still went no further than her mouth. "Gave you a chance to redeem yourself, Gunny. But it looks like you went soft on your own convictions."

"Oh God no…" Ash sputtered as the Commander dress a M9 Kessler pistol, shoved it forward into Ash's gaping mouth, and pulled the trigger.

The gunshot was loud inside the Commanders' Cabin.

* * *

 _To: Admiral Hackett, 5 FLT_

 _From: Commander Shepard, SpecTRe_

 _Admiral_

 _I regret to inform you that one of my crew members, Gunnery Chief Ashley Madeline Williams, took her own life earlier today after confessing that she was a member of the terrorist organization Cerberus, as well as being in on a small part of the murder of the Pope. I have provided the recording of her confession when she instituted the open-door policy, but I didn't think to check her for sidearms. I apologize for this slip of judgment, as I know you were close to the Williams family of Shanxi. I suspected something was off, but wanted Williams to give herself a chance to come clean out of respect for her family and for herself. I never suspected that she would end her own life._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Commander Shepard._

* * *

Author's Note: I never understood why Ash _wasn't_ Cerberus; she fit all the marks. And there isn't anything saying why Commander Shepard couldn't have been sympathetic towards Cerberus, either.

Terminal Lance - An E-3 in the Marines that will never make his E-4, Corporal, or Non-Commissioned Officer rank, usually due to the fact that he is somehow subpar. Not always the case, I know, but usually true.


	7. I Never Wanted To Say Goodbye

_EA/BioWare owns this. Because we all love 'touchy' moments._

Because family counts, even extended ones.

 **One-Shot #7: I Never Wanted To Say Goodbye**

 **Set sometime after Mass Effect 2 and prior to Mass Effect: Andromeda**

* * *

"C'mon, Sara!" Scott Michael Ryder announced through the terminal lounge area as Sara Catherine Ryder stood in the waiting area of the Luna Orbital Station Aldrin One, looking towards the port window that showed Earth in all its majesty, a brilliant blue-and-green marble hovering in space. _So fragile, so precious_ , Sara thought to herself as she ignored her brother's insistence to go to a bar, as if they were going to drink up all the booze on Aldrin One. She had more important things to attend to than finding the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

"I'll meet up with you later, Silver Medal." She fired at her younger twin, looking over her shoulder and giving him the old jab, Scott's face souring slightly as it always did, and the jab working as it always had. Whenever she just wanted a few moments alone to herself without her twin, she brought up her childhood nickname for her brother. She loved Scott, and was proud of him, of course; a Systems Alliance Marine Corps Officer who had the unfortunate luck of guarding a Relay that led to an uninteresting system. The old family curse. She had been a bit luckier in that regard, getting a science detail for guarding Prothean researchers and making sure that scavengers, slavers, and whatever else didn't interfere with her work due to her high marks in science, as well as a few letters and recommendations from her extracurricular courses she took in school. Scott guarded Prothean tech, she guarded Prothean artifacts. They were both ready to move on to bigger and better things.

Like bigger galaxies.

She looked out into the dark expanse of space, and noticed a ship on approach to Aldrin's only docking station, her mouth coming to a smile when she saw the sight of what appeared to be an Alliance Frigate-Class Vessel, though… geez, it looked like a super-Frigate! It also wasn't the standard silver-and-blue that Alliance ships were. It was silver, with black and gold tones to the borders and undercarriage. Well, she did say she was going to be arriving in, of all things, a Cerberus vessel. That took balls.

Sara was off to the docks as fast as her feet could carry her to see her aunt.

She wasn't her aunt, of course; they weren't related by blood or by marriage. But Sara had been looking up to this woman since she was thirteen, met her when she was fourteen, and kept up correspondences and visits ever since. When she was on Therum, guarding a dig and picking Geth out of her ass, _she_ had come like the Cavalry of old, plucking the few survivors left out of the dig site. For a few months, Sara had walked the decks amongst heroes and legends aboard the now galaxy-famous SSV _Normandy_. Serving its illustrious Commanding Officer, Humanity's First SPECTRE.

Her aunt.

"Jannie!" Sara rushed as she saw a redheaded woman walking down the Frigate's gangplank after the ship had docked and disembarkment was underway, and the young woman wasted no time crashing into Commander Jane Shepard, practically tackling the Lion with a hug. She was too busy laughing and talking at the same time as she pulled away to see the Commander's beaming face.

"Hey, kiddo." Jane smiled as Sara smiled right back, an idiot's grin that she had no shame in whatsoever. "Look at you! All grown and…" The face grew pained for a second, and that elephant that no one talked about was continued to be ignored; those 'missing' two years. "I'm glad I got a chance to see you, Sara."

"Well, duh! Who wouldn't be?" The younger woman smiled as the Commander snorted, folding her arms over her not-Alliance Regulation uniform, something white with black shoulder boards and gold trim. Sara pretended to be color blind. "C'mon! I got lunch reservations in the Starboard Lounge, my treat! It's the least I could do for someone who put foot-to-ass on those bug thingies!"

"Language…" Jane scowled the younger woman, making Sara sigh and roll her eyes as both women left the dock, the Systems Alliance Marine Corps guards looking at the questionable association of Commander Shepard and obviously thought better of it, continuing doing their job of making sure no one absconded with a ship as oppose to arresting a woman once hailed a hero twice over, now in the uniform of a terrorist organization. "So, plunder any more tombs or loot any more corpses?"

"Hey! What I do is important for science, auntie! Not all of us get stealth ships and Prothean Beacons dumped into our laps." Ryder told Shepard, making the redhead shake her head and smile as they continued through the corridors of the small space station. "Besides, I want to hear about the Core! C'mon, don't hold out on me!"

"I brought pics and vids." Jane answered with a lopsided smile as they entered the Cantina know as the Starboard Lounge, one of the military hospitality members escorting them to their private booth when Sara identified herself and her reservation, the Commander getting a dirty eyeball, or more accurately, her uniform. Both Sara and Jane ignored it.

"I'll get a chicken Caesar salad with the soup of the day. And tea." Shepard ordered as she scanned the table menu that was holographically displayed. Sara frowned.

"Auntie, you don't have to get the cheapest thing on the menu. I'm buying, and… I'm splurging." She didn't know yet.

"Trust me, our cook is also the janitor, and he's a crappy cook. I'm very happy with a chicken Caesar salad." The redhead replied.

"Hooookay. I'll take a T-bone Porterhouse with a side of mashed potatoes with sour creme and chives, along with broccoli and cheese melted on it. And then a glass of Moscato. Make it the bottle." That had a raised eyebrow, and the hostess promptly carded her. Sara showed her EID, and got a satisfactory nod.

"Sorry, kinda forgot you were old enough now." That elephant came back into the room, and the both of them ignored it. Again. "What's with the splurge? You up for you're Lieutenant? First Lieutenant, I mean?" Sara was already a Lieutenant (junior grade) in the Navy, having been an Ensign when she joined the _Normandy_ after the Therum debacle. The elephant wasn't ready to leave yet.

"No, that's… probably not going to happen." Sara replied, realizing that the elephant had a brother, just as big and annoying. "Jannie? I have to tell you something important.

"I'm leaving."

"Well…" Shepard plucked at her white-and-gold uniform, its golden double-helix over its heart obvious. "I understand." Her face fell slightly, though it was mostly her eyes that showed it.

"You think I give a shit about that?" Ryder asked, shaking her head. "Auntie, you did what we expect out of N's _and_ SPECTREs; to accomplish the mission no matter what! You destroyed a Geth Fleet, kicked some Turian's ass who wanted to overthrow the galaxy, and went to the fucking _middle of the galaxy_ and came back alive! Them?" Sara waved her arm to the rest of the Starboard Lounge. "Fuck 'em. Most of them? Their first act is to _whine_." That had the redhead snort.

"Don't pull your punches, Sara. Tell us how you really feel." Shepard smiled as she sat back, a lazy grin on her face as she relaxed. "So where are you leaving to?" Sara looked over to the rest of the people first before she leaned forward and spoke conspiratorially.

"Messier 31."

"Isn't that…?" Shepard's eyes go thoughtful, and then wide, her green orbs staring at her. "Sara! You're kidding, right? The Andromeda Galaxy? That's… _two million light-years away!"_ Those last words were a forced whisper, the Commander's eyes darting to those around them. No one had overheard, Jane obviously understanding the need for secrecy. The food came quickly, and conversation was halted with the presence of their waiter. Sara looked at her T-bone steak, her last meal in the Milky Way. She wanted to splurge because… what else was she going to do with Credits in the Andromeda Galaxy? Gamble with them? Throw them in a hat for an impromptu game? "Why?"

The question surprised Sara, but she guess she shouldn't have been.

"After the _Normandy?_ My career stalled; mine and Scott's." Ryder frowned, that elephant returning with its friend, the 'Ryder Family Curse' one. "I got my JG, but… Scott was still guarding a Relay and watching it rotate, and I got myself orders for Phobos as Quick Redaction Force." Shepard snorted at the mislabeled acronym. "My days were filled… with plenty of time to catch up on a bunch of reading and NetFlix series."

"I've heard this story before with just about anyone else associated with the _Normandy_ after it went down." Jane shook her head. "Seems like they shitcanned everyone. You… twice as much."

"I know." Ryder replied as she began to carve into her steak, eating it slowly to savor it. "After you were… you know…," _elephant,_ "I tried transfers and requests, all legal sounding and proper. I didn't even get a Department Command or a Second-in-Command in anything for almost two years. I… saw the writing on the wall. I would be lucky to get to my First Lieutenant, and who the hell would want to hire someone who'd never got to O-3? I was practically the Naval Officer version of a Terminal Lance." Shepard snorted at the term of a Marine who never made it past E-3. "Dad had an opportunity for the both of us. We would work with him, and we'd get out from under that curse." Jane knew about that curse, sadly. "I talked it over with him for a good period of time, probably over a week. I… accepted. This was… well, before you showed up again." _Elephant, elephant, elephant._ Sara had to lay down her silverware. "Mom was gone, you were gone, and Dad was about to be gone with my twin brother and _I got scared_ , _auntie!_ I didn't want to live somewhere where everyone hated me because my Dad took a stand and bought Mom five extra years of _life_! She got to watch me and Scott graduate school and go to college! You remember how happy she was!"

"I do." Jane nodded, smiling slightly at the memory.

"Fucking spineless Council and equally spineless Alliance shitcan my father for pushing the envelope? Maybe that's one thing." Sara continued. "But he _succeeded!_ I didn't notice the Council jumping through hoops when we were attacked by the Geth. Their response? _Oh, let's send a frigate and hope it works out!_ Sat on their thumbs, talons, and crests. Then jumped ship when shit hit the fan and left everyone else to die on the Citadel." Sara had been left behind for the mutiny, Jane thinking that the journey to Ilos was a suicide mission. No one had truly expected the Geth Dreadnaut to show up to the Citadel towing an armada of Geth warships. Sara had been a part of the resistance on the Citadel. This wasn't a new bitching session. "Want to know why I don't care what uniform you wear, Jannie? Because I know that it's just _clothes_."

" _Touche."_ The Commander smiled, taking a sip of her tea.

"So… I made a choice. Took a risk for the unknown. Not exactly my first time." Sara smiled as she picked up her silverware again. "We get to be explorers and pioneers, auntie, walk where no one else has. I should be scared, but I got Dad and Scott with me, and…" _elephant, but why the fuck not?_ "I get a plus one, auntie.

"I saved a seat for you."

Commander Jane Shepard looked at her with widening eyes.

"Sara… I can't."

"Why not, Jannie?" The young woman asked, looking at the woman she admired for almost half of her life. "You have personally saved this fucking galaxy! You're a hero like… a dozen times over! Literally! Elysium, piratepocalypse, slaverpocalyse, Gethpocalyse, Creeperpocalypse, Rachnipocalypse, Sarenpocalyse, Councilpocalypse… well, maybe not the last one." That had the Commander snort, a small smile on her lips. "This galaxy should be spending the rest of your natural life kissing your ass, and what do they do? They _shit_ on you, auntie! You personally saved the fucking Council, and they couldn't drop-kick your name in the mud _fast_ enough! It was physically nauseating! Hundreds of thousands of people are getting abducted, besides the normal round of _illegal_ slavery they don't do shit about, and they still just titter about on their tower all high-and-mighty, and they judge _you?_ Jannie? _Fuck… them._ Let them go find some other fucking idiot to play garbage boy, please! You've… you've already died for them, and…" Sara couldn't stop the tears, "and I _lost_ you and I _felt_ lost," damn it, she should be better than this, " _and I don't want to say goodbye._ "

"Sara." Shepard got out of her seat and slid next to her, wrapping a gentle arm around her shoulder as Sara buried her head into her aunt's shoulder and cried, cried like the day she found out, like the day Mom died. The news of the _Normandy's_ destruction had hurt her so bad, had taken away a woman she saw as family, somewhere between mom and older sister, someone she looked up to and felt love and inspiration. Everything that happened afterwards had been a cruel dark joke that had sent Sara in to deep, dark fits of depression and despondency. Her career had the emergency brake pulled on it, she had a nice healthy blackmark over her name, and the one person who would have given her a chance was gone.

Five months ago, she had gotten an e-mail that had blown her mind away.

She remembered the visit, taking emergency from her 'duties' on Phobos and catching the first thing floating to the Citadel to see her, to see if it were true. It had been so heartbreaking to see her aunt with those weird glowing scars and flanked by Cerberus flunkies, but Sara hadn't cared. She didn't give a shit if it had been Cerberus or Terra fucking Firma; she had her auntie back, and in that she could forgive anything and everything. Her Dad had tossed name and career for the woman he loved, building a medical AI that would regulate and monitor Ellen Ryder's vitals, making decisions and adjustments to keep her alive, healthy, and comfortable. Yeah, her Dad had awkward moments and wasn't the greatest of conversationalists. But he was the best fucking man she had ever known, absolutely devoted to the woman he loved and broke Council fucking law to achieve the impossible. And succeeded. Cerberus? They brought back her aunt, and Sara didn't care about the details; they didn't matter. What mattered was that moment when she embraced her auntie, her friend, her hero in her arms and cried, absolutely grateful.

She had almost pulled her slot out of the Andromeda Initiative, but she couldn't do that to her Dad and her twin.

So she did something else, she got an alternate in case someone got cold feet.

Three weeks ago, Jane had gotten approved.

"I don't want to say goodbye again." Sara whispered, burying her face in Jane's shoulder, holding the Commander tight as if she were a space tether, keeping her from drifting. "I don't want to wake up centuries from now knowing you're dead again, you not knowing if we made it or not. I don't want to see a new horizon and not be able to tell you about it. I want to be able to pick up an interesting rock and show it off while you impress us all with your terrible driving skills."

"My driving skills… are not that bad." That joke was famous amongst the _Normandy_ as Shepard immediately defended herself.

"Auntie? You fully qualify as a weapon of vehicular mass destruction. The _Krogan_ live in terror of your lack of motorist abilities." Sara replied, plucking her head up and wiping away some of her tears, chuckling at her own joke. "You tried to choke a Thresher Maw to death with a Mako."

"That's not true, I…"

"Jannie? I was there, screaming in the backseat as I saw you gun that tank into its mouth. Wrex _pissed_ himself. And good Lord do the Krogans have bladders!" Shepard was trying not to laugh at the memory, and failed, the both of them laughing. "And don't get me started on the vehicular rampage on pyjaks. You were intentionally swerving to run them over!"

"They made the most interesting _crunching_ noise when I did." Jane pouted, making Sara laugh harder. "But let us not forget who thought it was a good idea to ride on top of an Armature."

"Machines have access panels! It's like… Basic 101 Electronics!" The younger woman replied defensively. "I was trying to shut it down, not ride it like a bronco! How was I suppose to know those things could buck? It's made of metal, it shouldn't have even noticed me!"

"Well, you just had to go and prove your last name, didn't you?" Sara groaned at that old joke, Shepard chuckling. "And then you wanted to keep a Rachni for a pet."

"Hey! That is perfectly legitimate if one wishes to have the ultimate guard dog." Jane snickered at that, Sara having confiscated an egg on Noveria in the name of science. "What I really wanted was to see how hard their armor carapace was and how strong their acid was. Can you imagine biologically-grown armor as tough as theirs? High-end rifles were hardly doing the trick! And acid missiles for Naval Warfare? I could have revolutionized the weapons industry!"

"You know I got a few spare uniforms of these if you truly want to play mad scientist." Shepard plucked at the uniform.

"Nah. Why share credit?" They both laughed at that. "Why can't you come, Jannie? This is more than an opportunity of a lifetime. This blows what Grissom did out of the water! Hell, even Armstrong! They last time someone did something this big was… probably Columbus!"

"Sara… something big is coming. Something bad." Jane's eyes grew sad, so very, very sad. "Remember Saren's flagship?"

"Good ol' Squid o' Death? Yeah, I remember it trying to tentacle fuck the Citadel and practically succeeding. I _was_ there because someone wanted me safe and sound." Sara didn't blame her auntie, of course; the fucking Council and that ass Udina had stalled her, made her jump through hoops. Again. Wasted time, which cost lives. Damn near Sara's, too. "Wait. _Sovereign's_ buddies?"

"Yes."

"The thousands and thousands he promised?" Ryder felt a very deep chill in her heart, thinking about that. _Sovereign_ had thrash the Citadel Defense Fleet like a kicked puppy, admittedly with the help of a Geth Armada, but still. The fucking thing had been two kilometers long and had fucking death rays for weapons. Sara had seen Destroyers cut in half like a hot knife through butter with one hit, seven dozens lives lost in an instant. Jane nodded her head slowly. "Thousands of _Sovereign_? Oh… oh fuck."

"Yes."

"Then why not the fuck come, Jane?" Sara asked, completely bewildered. The galaxy was fucked, that much was obvious. "Council isn't going to listen until they're reenacting some sick anime hentai shit with tentacles and assholes, and by then it's going to be too late. Alliance won't listen because they can't figure out that their heads are indeed in fact up their asses, but are too proud to visit a Proctologist. The moment they'll come to you is… when those fuckers are over Earth's skies, and it'll be too late then. They're going to degrade you and let you rot somewhere and break the glass only in case of fire, forgetting the fact that building is already on fire, and it's going to burn down, Jane. They don't give a shit about you, and they won't until those armchair Generals and Admirals start having husks turning them into rubber doggie chew toys. And you're going to tell me of the thirteen or so _trillion_ people in the galaxy, those fucking idiots can't find one Goddamn person to come up with some shit? Some _other_ N? A mad Salarian scientist? A fucking Council SPECTRE? Some smug Asari Bitchriarch who just loves sneering at us lesser mortals? It's _got_ to be you?"

"Sara, no one else has seen what I have seen." Shepard replied quietly.

"No, Jane." Sara interjected, mad as hell. "They _refuse_ to listen. This was your job, and you did it better than anyone else. They don't take you seriously! They never did! To them, you're some Goddamn trained monkey they can throw in the fire and laugh behind your back as you scurry because they _know_ you will. They don't give a shit about you! They don't respect you, and they certainly won't give two fucks letting you _burn_ as they run off to their own planets and let everyone else fucking _die!_ I fucking saw that shit on the Citadel, Jane. They left us to die like lambs to the slaughter, and cried when they sat on the galaxy's largest fucking dartboard when it was getting plowed by _Sovereign_ like a cheap date on a Friday night. _That_ was when they gave a fuck about you, but… only because you could pull them out of their own chosen fate. The woman they didn't believe in, the SPECTRE they tossed into the fray and left it at that. You want to fight for someone like that? _Die_ for someone like that? Half this fucking galaxy is in it for themselves, and the other half shits on you, Jane. Why? And please don't give me the shit about _duty_ or some other Alliance propaganda bullshit. Why the fuck would you stay on a sinking ship when the crew hates you despite you warning them about the iceberg we're about to hit?"

Jane just looked at her for a long time, and Sara was afraid she pissed her off badly.

"Jannie, I… I'm sorry." Sara fumbled. "I love you and I don't want you miring yourself in yet another hopeless war where they throw everything upon you like you're Atlas, and then whine when they realize that _just_ one person isn't going to do the trick. They've got everything under the sun to help them, but you can't cure blindness by smacking away the only helping hand. We got an opportunity to do something _amazing!_ Fresh start, new opportunities, the chance to do things _right_! Build worlds together, not with some ten thousand year snobbing Matriarchy scoffing at us or a Hierarchy oppressing us. People and species coming together to explore, to travel, to go where no one else has gone and be _pathfinders!_ That dream we've had looking at the stars, but now it can be _our_ turn. Fresh galaxy without borders, worlds to settle with people of multiple species working together. The… the perfect dream we've always wanted but politics and shitheads get in the way. _That's_ worth believing in and fighting for, Jannie. That's worthy of you, and we could have one of the best people ever born setting up shop with us, a legacy we can all be proud of and work towards; unity and courage, cooperation and exploration, science and discovery! I know Dad would absolutely _love_ to have you with us, another N to work with and joke around. Scott's got himself a bit of a crush on this girl named Cora that might actually be serious, and you know he sees you as family too, auntie. Be with us, your family."

Jane said nothing, but her eyes? Sara could see it in her eyes.

* * *

 **Arc** ** _Hyperion_** **, Heleus Cluster, Andromeda Galaxy, 2819**

 _"Initiate reanimation sequence. Initiate reanimation sequence. Priority, Pathfinder Team."_

Sara Ryder gasped as her eyes opened and consciousness came to her as the twenty-two year old woman sat up from her cryo pod, shaking off the vestiges of sleep as she saw a hand in front of her in a helping motion. She took it automatically, and looked to to see who the hand belonged to. She saw green eyes, red hair, and a smile.

"We made it." Jane Shepard said, her aunt being the first welcoming her to Andromeda.

:) :) :) :) :)

* * *

Author's note: I'm sure some of you might be plotting my demise now.

I've seen several drabbles and FF's of Shepard somehow miraculously ending up on the _Hyperion_ … which is silly. I like this as I establish that Sara and Jane have known each other for years, see themselves as family, and Sara doing her damnedest to convince Jane to leave the Milky Way behind. Every argument I used for Sara is pretty much true; the galaxy for the most part couldn't shit on Shepard fast or hard enough. So I went the respect and family route. Considering Shepard has been fighting for over a decade (and two lifetimes), this might make a person sway.

I might even make this a story while doing my Peacemaker Series.

And I included Sara in the Therum Rescue Mission, because canon-wise she was a Prothean researcher for the Alliance… and Therum was an option. So was Feros, technically. Having Sara on the _Normandy_? That was just fun.


	8. Weapon Of Vehicular Mass Destruction

_EA/BioWare owns this. And the exploits of the galaxy's worst driver_

Next time, we're getting a Goddamn cab, Skipper!

 **One-Shot #9: Weapon Of Vehicular Mass Destruction**

 **Sometime During The Hunt For Saren**

Doctor Asha T'vara looked upon her schedule, and smiled at the sight of not one but _three_ patients that had taken up two one-hour slots. Sometimes she did group therapy as well as one-on-one sessions, a sentient needing some help in facing their fears. The Psychologist had been doing this for over a hundred and fifty years; she was sure she had seen it all. She was amused to see that the patients were of three difference species; Turian, Human, and Asari. One Garrus Vakarian, C-SEC Detective currently serving on the SSV _Normandy_ , one Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, Systems Alliance Marine Corps currently serving on the SSV _Normandy_ , and one Doctor Liara T'soni, Protheantologist of the University of Serrice currently serving on the SSV _Normandy_. She… knew of the ship name. Yes, that was the one with the Human SPECTRE on it. Charge with hunting Geth and stopping a rogue Council Agent. One of them had perhaps been through some trauma, and the other two were there to assist, like good shipmates did. This was actually a healthy thin, Doctor T'vara smiled as her OmniTool rang to alert to her that her patients had arrived.

She was wrong; all three looked like the Goddess had beaten them with the guilt stick.

"Good morning, fellow citizens." Asha began as they all took position on the couch, wearing mostly civilian attire. Detective Vakarian was wearing a civilian robe made for his people, the Gunnery Chief in a blue military uniform, and the Doctor in a white-and-green lab research jumpsuit. They were all sitting down, and each of them looked… dazed, lost. "Thank you for your service, and thank you for coming here today. I know it isn't easy…

"I can't do it anymore."

Doctor T'vara stopped as she heard, of all things, the Turian whimper.

"What seems to be the problem?" The appointment hadn't indicated anything other than a visit. This was square one.

"It's her driving, Doctor. It's _horrifying_." That was met with two eager nods, the Human and Asari both agreeing.

"Tell me."

"Well, we were on this mission on Edolus…"

* * *

Detective Garrus Vakarian was manning the main gun of the M35 Mako, his eye on both the electronic scanner/radar as well as peeking out of the view ports as the thrashing of horrible noises came from below, sounding as if someone were strangling a varren to death. She called it music. And she _sang_ to it. Bad enough she always drove with her foot mashed against the accelerator, going full tilt in an armored personnel carrier off-road. Bad enough she hit every bomb and ditch in the road as sort of some personal conquest, as if how dare they got in _her_ way. No, it was the music. And the _singing_.

 _"All you women who want a man of the street  
_ _But you don't know which way you want to turn  
_ _Just keep a coming and put your hand out to me  
_ _'Cause I'm the one who's gonna make you burn_

 _I'm gonna take you down -  
_ _down, down, down  
_ _So don't you fool around  
_ _I'm gonna pull it, pull it, pull the trigger_

 _Shoot to thrill, play to kill  
_ _Too many women with too many pills  
_ _Shoot to thrill, play to kill  
_ _I got my gun at the ready, gonna fire at will!"_

That… wasn't the worst of it. Sadly.

"Commander!" Garrus shouted, seeing something pinging on the sensor suite of the M35 Mako. "Bogie! Twelve o'clock! And it's a big one!"

That was a mild understatement; coming out of the ground was a Spirits-fuck-them-all _Thresher Maw_. It continued to pull itself out of the ground, higher and higher, standing some one hundred meters in the air, and at least fifty in circumference. It's quadra-mandible mouth split open as it shrieked at them, and Garrus's mandibles dropped at the sight of the biggest predator in the galaxy!

And then, dear Spirits…

 _"Challenge accepted, motherfuckerrrrrrrz!"_

* * *

"I thought I was going to die." The Detective admitted, his tone sheepish. "Not in that 'I serve in the Hierarchy and I might catch a bullet' kind of way. No. I thought I was going to end up Turian bacon in the belly of a space dragon."

"Obviously, you did not." Doctor T'vara pointed out, jotting notes with her stylus on her datapad. "You said you were manning the 'main gun'. Did you shoot it? Kill it?"

"I wish, that would have been nicer than what happened. But no, that's not what happened." The Turian burst into tears while the Human sitting next to hip put and arm around him for comfort.

"She tried to choke a Thresher to death with a _Mako!_ "

* * *

"Commander, don't!" Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko shouted as Commander Shepard gunned the Mako and hit the jump jets at full pressure, the APC crashing into the side of the Thresher, making the creature roar out in pain as it swayed drunkenly. Garrus finally got his bearings back after being clobbered with every wall in the turret of the Mako to see the Maw crash upon the sandy ground of Edolus, trying to sliver back in its hole to get away from the menace.

The Commander, evidently, wasn't going to have any of it.

"Oh, no you didn't!" The Make skidded into a J-curve and drifted back to orient towards the Maw, her voice psychotic. Garrus saw they were aimed right for its head. He had a clear shot for the oral cavity. But he never got time to put his talons on the trigger as the Commander roared. "Boy!"

"Oh no." Alenko gasped.

"You _shore_ gots a _purdy_ mouth!"

She gunned the Mako. Much to Garrus's horrifying alarm, they were driving straight to the Thresher at full speed, right towards its opened mouth.

 _"SpiritsSpiritsSpiritsSpiritsSpi…"_

 **-CRASH!-**

Garrus grunted as he hit the metal hull of the turret in front of him. Shaking it off, he looked at the sensor suite first, then then the viewport, and all he could see was pink… and tongue… and saliva… and oh _Spirits the smell of it…_

They were fully lodged in the mouth of a Thresher Maw.

* * *

Doctor Asha T'vara accidentally interrupted the telling when she lost her grip on her stylus. She knew, academically, what a Thresher Maw was; huge carnivorous worm-like creatures that were hundred of meters long and able to destroy most anything on one of their rampages. She knew that if Krogan considered hunting one the greatest thrill of a lifetime, then it had to be bad. But evidently a Human had rammed an armored vehicle into the mouth of one. _On purpose_.

"It gets worse." The Detective muttered, near his final nerve.

* * *

"Whooo, bitch! Suck on it! Suck long and hard, sweetheart! I'm gonna deep throat this bitch like a fucking cheap date on Vegas! Whoo!" The Jump Jets were blasting on and off at random, and the Commander's hands gripped the steering apparatus as she banked the wheel all the way to the left, and then all the way to the right, rotating the front tires to… dig them in further. The horrible sound of choking was coming out of the Threshers' throat as bits of acid and venom splashed onto the Mako, the smell of heated, melting metal accompanying the sickening aroma of its breath.

Garrus threw up all over himself. Then a warm, uncomfortably liquid feeling bloomed in the seat of his armor. Did he, yes… yes he did.

He shit himself.

* * *

Garrus was in tears.

"Spirits, I can't the smell out of my _armor!_ " The Turian cried. "Every time I put it on, I imagine I can smell Thresher acid, melting metal, and shit! And her commentary…"

 _"Swallow that load, bitch! Swallow like a ten Credit whore!"_

"I-I can't do it anymore." The Detective admitted. "I try, but I can't." The Human female was comforting him.

"I take it… this wasn't the only incident? And not just Detective Vakarian?"

"No, not by a long shot." Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams replied, her lower lip already trembling. "We were… on some planet that another was crashing into…"

* * *

"Skipper? Do we _have_ to go up the mountain?" Williams asked, looking over at Tali, which was to say that she was looking _down_ towards Tali. A quick check on the tiltometer on the turret showed that the M35 Mako was at a 87 degree tilt, meaning that they were almost _vertical_. If they tilted back any further, they'd slip and fall down all the way back down the huge-ass mountain they had been going up for the past thirty minutes. The mountain in question was about the height of Olympus Mons.

"Too long to go around." The Skipper replied. "Not nearly as fun." The Mako's vertical Eezo core strained with power as the wheels, at full acceleration, dug into the dirt and grit of the mountain to vainly attempt to propel itself forward the last dozen or so meters to the top of the mountain. "Don't get could feet on me now, Ash. We're almost there!"

" _KeelahKeelahKeelahKeelah…"_ Tali'Zorah bar Reyya chanted quietly behind/beneath her, the same word she had been saying for the past three or so minutes now since they started conquering the worst part of the mountain; the steepest part. Head on. No questions, no maps, no scanning.

* * *

"We tried breaking a mountain." Ash shook her head. "For like five or ten minutes. It was only fifty meters! We could have found a path, gone _sideways!_ But noooooooo! Skipper wants to break a mountain, she's gonna break a mountain."

"That sounds… fool hearty." It was the kindest word Asha could think of. The Human snorted. "You obviously made it."

"No." The Marine replied. "We didn't."

* * *

There was an interesting sound beneath/under them, the sound of something breaking. The Mako shuddered, and Ash heard a sound she hoped she would never, ever hear.

The APC's Eezo Core died.

"Whoops." The Skipper said, sounding sheepish. "Too much strain, I guess."

" _KeelahKeelahKeelahKeelah…"_

Ash looked to tiltometer, which read '87'.

88.

89.

90.

There was an interesting sound, a groan of metal from the back end/bottom end of the Mako.

" _Keelah!Keelah!Keelah!Keelah…"_

"Art Father, who art in heaven…" Tali had the right idea as Ash began to pray, very quickly.

91 degrees.

They were falling back down.

 _"Knuckle up, bitches! It's bouncy palace time!"_

 _"KKKKEEEEEEEEELLLLLAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"_

* * *

"How… tall was this mountain?" The Doctor asked, a little disturbed.

"Twenty-two… thousand… meters." The Marine replied, looking a little ill. "And we didn't use the bunny slope, either."

"Bunny slope?" Obviously it was a Human reference. The Marine merely held her arm in a position that indicated the steepness of it.

Her arm was practically up and down.

* * *

"…Hallowed be thy naOOF!"

" _Ancestors, I want to goUUF!"_

"This is so fucking awesoYEEAHH!"

The Mako had fallen backwards onto its roof, and then struck a rock, and became airborne. Ash felt her stomach go to her feet, then straight to her head. They slammed into something else as they spun, and they were traveling downward at a very fast rate of speed down a very tall mountain on all three axises; X, Y, and Z. Ash's stomach was everywhere, she was incredibly lightheaded, and she wasn't even sure which way was up. Every few seconds, they get jostled hitting something else on the way down, but they did go down

All twenty-two thousand meters of it.

 _"KEELAH, I DON'T WANT TO DI-OOF!"_

"THY KINGDOM COME, THY WIL-UUF!"

"RINSE CYCLE, BITCHES! COME GET-WHOO!"

* * *

"Four and a half minutes." Williams told the Doctor, her face completely numb, having regressed completely. "No stopping, just falling, scrapping, hitting, crying… breaking everything on the way down." She gave off a revolting shiver.

"It gets worse."

* * *

The Mako laid on its top on the ground, smoke billowing from its carriage as one of the escape hatches popped open and Williams spilled out of it, landing on her back with a hearty _'oof'_. It took her a minute to realize the significance of this.

"LAND!" Ash immediately rolled onto her belly and kissed the ground. She thought that was just some movie thing, but right now she was totally and sincerely to be on ground. She had physically kissed it with joy. Another ' _oof!'_ had her look up to see Tali'Zorah trying to move, her limbs shaking. "Tali? You okay? I can't see your eyes."

 _"I threw up."_ The vox voice was very low, and very ashamed.

"Oh." Ash wondered how the hell they were suppose to clean up puke from inside a helmet they couldn't take off. Tali engaged her OmniTool, and a tiny holographic drone popped up, looking like an eye. Oh! It was an OmniCam for viewing.

 _"Um, Ash? Is the Captain having an epileptic seizure over there?"_

"Wha…?" Ash looked over, and immediately regretted it. "Oh God… she's _dancing the Cabbage Roll!"_

Ash threw up.

* * *

"I ended up in the Med Bay for contamination for kissing the soil. Only thing on that God-forsaken mission to go right." The Marine shook her head. "Poor Tali runs to a corner and goes into a fetal position anytime someone mentions the word 'Mako' around her. She'll rock and cry for an hour, and that's one of our engineers. And to think she did a _victory dance_ afterwords. And it was _horrible_." The Gunnery Chief shuddered. And her synopsis of that mission?"

 _"Who owns this bitch now, motherfucker?"_

"She's a fucking maniac."

"And I take it that you have had similar experiences as well, Doctor?" Asha looked to the Asari.

"Similar? No.

"Worse."

* * *

Doctor Liara T'soni was strapped into the deployment seat of the M35 Mako, seeing Urdnot Wrex in the Gunner's platform as Commander Shepard prepped the tank through the checklist while still in the cargo bay of the SSV _Normandy_. She liked the Human Commander; brave, dashing, with piercing green eyes and a mischievous smile that sent her heart aflutter. The Commander was always coming into her room to check up on her, talking bravado while inquiring on how she was adjusting to the Human vessel. It wasn't hard for her to note that the SPECTRE was flirting with her, and the thought made her blush. It was… working. Now she was on her first mission with the SPECTRE, and the Protheantologist was hoping to make an impression on the dashing Commander with dimples on her cheeks when she smiled and the cutes freckles along her nose. It was obvious the Human was into her, and the Asari's resolve on keeping things professional between them was eroding with the thought of a dinner together, a bottle of wine, some laughs, and some interspecies research and discovery…

"Prep for landing." The SPECTRE announced suddenly, pulling Liara from her daydream.

"But we're still in space, Commander." Liara replied as she watched with growing curiosity as the cargo bay door opened, klaxons dining to notify the crew not to go past the Kiggs field that kept the atmo in-ship.

"Meh." Tires squealed as the Commander floored it inside the cargo bay, friction and traction catching on as the Mako launched itself from the _Normandy_.

While still in space.

* * *

"Is that… possible?" Doctor Asha T'vara asked, confused. She never heard of a vehicle being launched into space to enter a planet. Shuttles and pinnacles, yes. A vehicle?

"No."

* * *

Doctor Liara T'soni had a death grip on the armrests of her deployment chair as she looked upon the growing form of a planet in view through the front viewports of the Mako, beginning to be washed out by the thermal drafts of re-entry. The APC shook hard as it fell towards the planet that Liara never even had a chance to learn about, much less what they were doing there.

And then the music played. As loudly as Asari-wise as possible.

 _"An old cowboy went riding out one dark and windy day.  
_ _Upon a ridge he rested as he went along his way!  
_ _When all at once a might herd of red-eyed cows he saw,  
_ _A-plowing through the ragged sky and up the cloudy draw._

 _Their brands were still on fire and their hooves were made of steel,  
_ _Their horns were black and shiny and their hot breath he could feel.  
_ _A bolt of fear went through him as they thundered through the sky,  
_ _For he saw the riders coming hard and he heard their mournful cry._

 _YIIIPPPPPPIIIIEEEE YYYIIIIIII YAAAAAYYYYYY!  
_ _YIIIPPPPPPIIIIEEEE YYYIIIIIII YOOOOOHHHH!  
_ _Ghost Riders in! Ghost Riders in the Skyyyyyyy!"_

"Goddess, Goddess, Goddess, Goddess…" Liara mumbled over and over as the make shook and burned, the interior growing hotter as the SPECTRE laughed like a loon, cackling wildly as they broke through atmo and the ground appeared.

That was just the beginning.

* * *

"The beginning?"

"It gets worse."

* * *

"Which one of you assholes spilled their drink in my Mako?" The Commander was looking back into the Mako as oppose to the swiftly rushing ground kilometers below them as Liara gaped. She pointed towards the front of the vehicle with a shaking finger, but it was cooly ignored. "I mean it! Who spilled their drink!"

"It wasn't a drink." Wrex said softly, owning up. Liara wasn't sure what he was talking about until… oh, the metal floor was wet with something. A lot wet. Like… a dozen or so liters worth of fluids wet.

And then the odor came to her nose, and GODDESS! She knew what it was.

"It's urine, Commander." Liara identified weakly, anything to get the SPECTRE to look towards the ground. "Krogan urine."

Wrex had pissed himself.

* * *

"From _fear_?" Goddess, she had never heard of a Krogan pissing themselves in fear. Then again, she never heard of anyone driving off a perfectly capable ship that could land on a planet, either. Doctor Asha T'vara was enthralled. And terrified. "But you landed and survived, obviously."

"If you count not blowing up on impact and having our skeletons liquified from said impact 'landing', then yes." The Protheantologist replied. "But where we landed was just as important. I came to find out we landed on Eletania to recover some lost probe for the Alliance. What we didn't know was that the probe was taken by pyjaks, and we had landed in a nest of them.

"That's when the massacre began."

* * *

"Whoo! Look at that little bastard fly!" The Commander announced as she skidded the Mako into another power slide, fish-tailing the back end to where it slammed into one of those cute, adorable little creatures that were obviously the indigenous species of the planet. Unfortunately, the Council Agent had invented a new game, called 'Batter-Up!'. "Hey, think I can run over three at the same time?" Yes, that was the other game. She called it 'Wack-a-Mole!'. The Commander proceeded to gun the accelerator, throwing Liara back into the back of her seat as the vehicle ran over what looked to be a inverted dirt cone that was the species' nest, and struck at least two with the wheels, eliciting a rather loud 'splattering' noise while she did so, laughing her head off.

Doctor Liara T'soni was nearly in tears at the thought. The screaming cries of pain certainly didn't help.

"There's another one!" or "Yeah! Nailed it!" or "Run, bitches! The back right tire's feeling left out!" came out of the mouth of the Council Agent as she laughed in maniacal glee, sending another one soaring dozens of meters as she 'batter-up'ed!' another cute little green creature.

Goddess, she had seriously contemplated melding with this psychopath?

* * *

"Goddess, she willingly killed an indigenous species with an APC? For _fun?_ " Asha was revolted at the thought.

* * *

Doctor Liara T'soni finally stepped out of the APC when they found the cave where the probe was supposedly was, the sensor having finally picked up its homing beacon after two hours of homicidal-fueled vehicular rampage. She stepped out into the toxic environment of the planet, and her eye caught the side of the Mako.

It was covered in blood. And bone. And limbs. The sides. The wheel wells. The tires. All were either caked or covered with the remains of the pyjaks, bits of flesh and blood still dripping off of it from gravity.

"Yep, gonna have to hose the poor girl down good." The SPECTRE proclaimed, wrapping the side of the armored vehicle with her armored knuckles. "Maybe I'll leave a little on. For show."

Liara burst into tears.

"Never again."

* * *

Doctor Asha T'vara was speechless.

* * *

 **5 Months Later**

"…And in recognition of her efforts in stopping the rogue Agent, Saren Arterus," Admiral Steven Hackett spoke in front of the audience of mostly humans, with a healthy dash of reports as he stood next to Commander Jane Shepard, "we have decided to recognize Humanity's First SPECTRE with a piece to commemorate her impossible deeds done in the face of insurmountable odds. We at the Admiralty Board thought long and hard on what to present to the galaxy to show your zeal and dedication, Commander, and one idea… well, it trumped them all." The Commander stood there, beaming as the prop behind them, covered with a sheet, was lit up to signify that it would be revealed soon. "I've heard the tale myself, and I still don't believe it. Dropping from outer space onto a spot less than twenty square meters, crushing Geth resistances, traversing an unexplored planet, braving dangerous tunnels held by the Geth, and eventually preforming a Mass Relay-jump in a _vehicle_ , we have recovered this M35 Mako from where it landed in the Presidium Commons, cleaned it up a little bit, but left it as is as a testament to the courage and skills of Humanity's SPECTRE…"

The sheet was dropped, and there before them was the corpse of an M35 Mako; scorched, shot, chewed up, missing panels, dented, smashed, frayed, missing a tire, main cannon bent, parts of Geth still stuck in the chassis, wiring from an Armature dangling from the crumpled front, Eezo core half ejected from its moorings, and the back half almost torn off. It was unveiled to the high regard and thunderous applause of the audience.

"It's perfect." Commander Jane Shepard commented, and somewhere in the audience, the crew of the Normandy stood stunned.

Ash threw up, Liara burst into tears, Tali hugged Wrex's ankle, and Garrus felt that warm, liquid feeling in the seat of his armor again.

* * *

Author's Note: We've all seen/heard the troupes about Shepard's bad driving skills. I think I raised that bar.

Inspiration of this drabble comes from a fan art pic I saw where Liara and Thane are in a Mako (somehow), white-knuckling it and praying, while FemShep is driving, her hands slammed onto the console, with a look of murderous glee on her face as she demands 'Faster!'


End file.
